Friday, September 5, 2008
Blue Monkey's Way
This summer I went for short while in artist's residency.
It was in Cill Rialaig. This artist's village is the furthest point of Ireland in the Atlantic Ocean. It took me two trains, one bus ride and someone give me a lift to get there. It's on the top of the cliff and the nearest village is 3 miles away.
I walked everywhere. Local cows and sheep must remember me in my blue raincoat. The thing is I was sure at that point that I'm a failure as an creative person and that's that. The most difficult thing for me was to be alone. I didn't bring anything with me any music or books. Phone connection was really bad. There was no radio. No people. They were in the village 3 miles away, but they wont make friends with someone who is there only for a short time.
That's the cottage I lived in.
It gets very lonely. And for some reason, it's very scary. Some might think it's very relaxing to live in a cottage perched on the top of the cliff on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. Well I have to say It's not. There is no soothing murmur of the sea. There is only roar of the mighty ocean. There is no rhythm or order, nothing, but the declaration of force and some things that I don't want to think about. There is no electric light on Bolus Head, so it's so dark at night, there is no difference if you walk around with you eyes shut. Sometimes there was something in the air just for a split second what makes you jump out your own skin.
I have to say there is some rule made up by people going to that kind of residency. They are always talking about learning some things about themselves, discovering something new, about understanding and inspiring. Seems it works for them like that. Well, if it's true it was lost on me. I did it in the Blue Monkey's way. Probably, I am really silly, compare to others. The only thing I discovered about everything altogether it's nobody (especially the Ocean) cares what I do, how I do it, if I'm creative person or not at all, if I remember or forget, inspired or not. It doesn't matter. All my thoughts and even my existence became small and insignificant because Ocean's roar is so loud. Same goes for everybody else. Therefore I can draw whatever I want, I can have freedom. Nobody cares!