One more time...

...I'm stuck. My artistic practice and my career as an artist (it might sound pathetic, but it's true) got stuck. It happened before, and I froze, then run. Then I started Blue Monkey.
Now I'm back in real world. So far I've got three exhibitions and I'm part of the group. We discuss serious issues (war, politics, revolution, independence)  and I'm pretty much know what happens around art-wise.   I'm not lost in contemporary art world. I'm not a ballast or dead weight. But I noticed that I'm somehow ashamed. Because while I'm talking serious things and planning our next step as a group and writing proposals and submissions to all this important places (which is not so easy) I'm secretly looking for more Winsor Blue Wolfs and Secrets of Santa Clause. I'm  leading  a double life, being a double crosser.  I'm afraid that people   (like my art peers)  will find out and wont take me seriously because Blue Monkey is my Guru. Also they might find my work being absolutely dreadful but I don't think it'll come to it. I'm NCAD girl, that means something, doesn't it?
But I can't part my ways with Blue Monkey. Part of me IS the Blue Monkey and I'm afraid that's going to stay like that. I think that if anyone can't get this idea about me and Blue Monkey, then, maybe they not so clever?
PS. Wissilla I really miss you. If you read this stuff, give me a sign? Please?

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